I'm really feeling down today, lower than low, so down in the dumps I don't even know if I can go up from here.
Woke up with the kind of aches and pains that are just everywhere. No matter what I do, I feel it no matter what direction I try to move.
I am fed up of being on medication, fed up on injecting myself for my diabetis and every two weeks for the injection for my back. That one hurts like hell, especially if I get it in the wrong area... and it bleeds some time.
Fed up of taking tablets, fed up of the patches I am on, feeling sick after putting a new one on.
I used to be active, used to like going for walks. I just want to be able to do things again, try to live a life. Get out and about and enjoy getting fresh air and meeting up with friends.
I want to be able to do voluntary work again, I really enjoyed doing my community radio show.
Waking up in the mornings not being able to get up and out of bed is annoying the hell out of me. Being restricted in moving about, being trapped in my flat because I can't get down the stairs and out of the block.
I'm on the waiting list to see the spinal team at the hospital and other departments.
I have doubts about things in my mind, I forget things, I drop things and break things. My sleep is all over the place, can't seem to get in to a routine.
Having a walking stick, while it is supposed to make life easier, makes life more difficult and a pain. Trying to do simple things with it become mamouth tasks, and some impossible.
My enjoyment of life out of 10 is at most a 2, sometimes not even a 1!. To say I am fed up is an understatement, a massive understatement.
Last week it was #WorldMentalHealthDay, and I can tell you that suffering with AS has an impact on my mental health. I suffer with anxiety and depression, and keep beating my self up about my physical limits.
If you go to the YouTube page, in the description you will find some useful links.